devestation

I learned last night that good friends and colleagues of mine who were expecting twins lost the baby girl in utero. The mom will have to carry her along with her brother until the boy is ready to be delivered. I can. not. imagine.
I myself have been feeling so off-kilter after this news. Perhaps it is because I'm carrying a healthy baby girl. Perhaps it is simply the bond of motherhood. But whatever it is, I too am keenly feeling this loss. Tears pop up at unexpected moments. I pray constantly for them, wondering what they must be going through, losing one--sadly, due to the life of the other. Doctors say they think the boy was just taking all the nutrients and the girl couldn't thrive.
I think that would probably be the hardest thing if this were me. I think I might always have some small feelings of blame toward the surviving child. But again, I've not been in that situation, so I can't say for sure. How difficult it must be to walk in and see two of everything... to see the blue next to the pink...
These friends are a part of my Tuesday lectionary group. For obvious reasons, we're not having that today. I will instead be holding a prayer vigil during our normal meeting time. If you are so inclined, between 1:30 and 3 p.m. EST you can join me in prayer for them. I will not name them for privacy, but God will know.

Through the Cracks

The other day I posted my status update on facebook to say "R wonders what else will fall through the cracks." Yeah, maybe that should have been a clue.
So here, about two weeks away (give or take) from giving birth, I have a funeral to do. And it's of a person that has been sick most of the time I've worked here, suffering from Alzheimer's, so I really have very little of a relationship with her. Her family almost never darkens the doors. Funerals stress me out. I mean, I know some colleagues who think they're pretty easy, but I feel like this is a time of huge responsibility on my part. I get one chance to make the last memories of their loved one special.
But really, while I'd love to believe that God has supreme confidence in my ability to handle this, I'm thinking it's more like a divine joke at my expense. I mean, I can barely remember my own name these days. I'm barely keeping my head above water trying to get ready to go on leave (right before Holy Week and Easter I might add) and now I get to add a funeral of a person I barely know. Some things (many things) are about to fall through the cracks.
Anybody want to send me a sermon for Sunday? Anyone?... Bueller?

nothing half way

Well, I tell you, as if planning for maternity leave wasn't enough, I'm now being asked to be a supervisor for an internship (I assume it's over the summer) as soon as I return from leave. It's a member of our church and she also works full time so it ought to be interesting trying to squeeze in the hours required for the internship. We'll make it work though. She has a true sense of calling, I know. I want to do it, don't get me wrong. It's just another thing to think about. I have had a VERY full first year and a half in the ministry!