I've never claimed to be good at blogging. It gets away from me with all the other writing I seem to need to get done. I keep saying I want it to be a discipline and maybe I'll get around to it, but disciplines aren't really my thing. I'm the free-spirit creative type. Probably means I need the discipline, but then, I'm not going to claim that I'm good at doing what I need either.
This Advent has been a particularly good one here. I was able to get things done ahead, both at work and at home, I'm glad to say. The joy of less stress is one of the best gifts for this time of year.
I realized the other day that I'm craving some radicality in my life these days. I'm not talking sky-diving or anything, but just some change that might actually help usher in the kingdom. I'm seeing these amazing churches that actually change the way that people see and do things. I want to be a part of one of those, help lead people to news ways of thinking and believing. Right now I feel in a bit of a rut. The church I lead now is not interested in becoming more than they are, even in good ways. It is in survival mode, as are many churches these days. Human capital is at a premium and when we try to start something new, it usually gets hailed as a great idea, but then falls by the wayside when no one wants to actually work to get it off the ground or keep it going.
In other news, we did get that admin!! I realize now just how much of my time was spent doing clerical work. I feel like I'm able to devote so much more time to pastoral duties, and I think my sermons are even doing better as I don't have to put them off to the last minute as often.
That's where I am...
Showing posts with label it is what it is. Show all posts
Showing posts with label it is what it is. Show all posts
Friday, December 16, 2011
Friday, March 13, 2009
Through the Cracks
The other day I posted my status update on facebook to say "R wonders what else will fall through the cracks." Yeah, maybe that should have been a clue.
So here, about two weeks away (give or take) from giving birth, I have a funeral to do. And it's of a person that has been sick most of the time I've worked here, suffering from Alzheimer's, so I really have very little of a relationship with her. Her family almost never darkens the doors. Funerals stress me out. I mean, I know some colleagues who think they're pretty easy, but I feel like this is a time of huge responsibility on my part. I get one chance to make the last memories of their loved one special.
But really, while I'd love to believe that God has supreme confidence in my ability to handle this, I'm thinking it's more like a divine joke at my expense. I mean, I can barely remember my own name these days. I'm barely keeping my head above water trying to get ready to go on leave (right before Holy Week and Easter I might add) and now I get to add a funeral of a person I barely know. Some things (many things) are about to fall through the cracks.
Anybody want to send me a sermon for Sunday? Anyone?... Bueller?
So here, about two weeks away (give or take) from giving birth, I have a funeral to do. And it's of a person that has been sick most of the time I've worked here, suffering from Alzheimer's, so I really have very little of a relationship with her. Her family almost never darkens the doors. Funerals stress me out. I mean, I know some colleagues who think they're pretty easy, but I feel like this is a time of huge responsibility on my part. I get one chance to make the last memories of their loved one special.
But really, while I'd love to believe that God has supreme confidence in my ability to handle this, I'm thinking it's more like a divine joke at my expense. I mean, I can barely remember my own name these days. I'm barely keeping my head above water trying to get ready to go on leave (right before Holy Week and Easter I might add) and now I get to add a funeral of a person I barely know. Some things (many things) are about to fall through the cracks.
Anybody want to send me a sermon for Sunday? Anyone?... Bueller?
Saturday, January 10, 2009
to good friends and prayers
Thank you all for prayers and thoughts and encouragements. Tuesday's 'intervention' went ok. No one said anything nasty, emotions were held in check (pregnant hormones and all), and overall I think we got some good things worked out. On the other hand, I am not quite sure I got through to her that gossip is bad. She seemed to keep saying something to the effect that because she asked God for forgiveness (though not me) that all was ok again. I didn't get the feeling that she was particularly sorry for her actions, though she had plenty of excuses. I want to debrief with the woman who came with me from the relations team. I figure this will either A) blow over, or B) she'll go out and start the gossip again with something to the effect of "She couldn't even come to me on her own, she had to bring ___ with her as back up," etc., even though both ___ and I made it very clear why she was there and in what capacity. Sadly, in my experience, once a gossip, always a gossip.
But, and I can't remember if I said it in the last post, I am comforted in the knowledge that my session (minus Ms. Gossip), and most of my members understand her ways and pretty much all of them have my back. Dad's been through this sort of thing a number of times and had some good advice too. It always helps to hear what other people have been through and done at times like these.
Thank you all, dear friends.
But, and I can't remember if I said it in the last post, I am comforted in the knowledge that my session (minus Ms. Gossip), and most of my members understand her ways and pretty much all of them have my back. Dad's been through this sort of thing a number of times and had some good advice too. It always helps to hear what other people have been through and done at times like these.
Thank you all, dear friends.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
You'd think they'd know better
It took over a year, but I'm finally finding out what gossip and slander patterns are in this small congregation. Of course, it would have to be aimed at me... (sigh)
Apparently, my mind reading skills were off right around Christmas and I did not receive the telepathic communications from a member that she needed to be contacted or visited every single day during her (not-so-serious) illness. Her symptoms were not serious (mostly fatigue in a woman who was usually quite active, and loss of appetite); she never had to go into the hospital; I did make contact by phone a couple of time and knew that my deacons were on top of things, and since I'm sounding defensive anyway, I'll add that it WAS right before Christmas. I tried as hard as I could to make myself available with as little effort as a phone call. Was I right or wrong? Don't care, can't change it.
What I care about is that about a week later I hear she's bitching to anyone with ears (except me!) about how I didn't meet her needs, didn't do this or that or the other. (Aside: though I didn't know it at the time, I was supposed to speak to her before church last Sunday. Well, normally, before worship, I'm so focused on preparing that I don't really talk to anyone. Again, mind reading not so good these days. This caused a whole new round of slander. I actually intentionally sought her after the service, but she and her family apparently were so mad about the other perceived slights that they left early to avoid me.) The person who approached me about the situation was very kind about it all and let me know that, apparently, this whole family has a history with the church of what she called, "Entitlement syndrome." Wish I'd known that BEFORE all this went down...
What's worse, she's an active elder on my session. We have a pastor/parish relations committee under the communications team for EXACTLY this sort of situation, which, as an elder, she should have known and utilized. Not to mention that, as a Christian, she should know that talking about someone rather than to them is NEVER the right thing to do. Have I mentioned how much I hate, loathe, abhor gossip (and especially when it's about me)? Yeah, well...
Good news is that when I heard about it third hand, I did go to the p/p relations comm. and the chair is going to sit with us as mediator to help us work this out.
If I've ever needed prayers, it's tomorrow around 10 am. That's when we'll be sitting down to work this out. Trust is diminished, pastoral thoughts are tough to come by, and of course, feelings are hurt. Let's hope my inner sixth grader stays home.
Apparently, my mind reading skills were off right around Christmas and I did not receive the telepathic communications from a member that she needed to be contacted or visited every single day during her (not-so-serious) illness. Her symptoms were not serious (mostly fatigue in a woman who was usually quite active, and loss of appetite); she never had to go into the hospital; I did make contact by phone a couple of time and knew that my deacons were on top of things, and since I'm sounding defensive anyway, I'll add that it WAS right before Christmas. I tried as hard as I could to make myself available with as little effort as a phone call. Was I right or wrong? Don't care, can't change it.
What I care about is that about a week later I hear she's bitching to anyone with ears (except me!) about how I didn't meet her needs, didn't do this or that or the other. (Aside: though I didn't know it at the time, I was supposed to speak to her before church last Sunday. Well, normally, before worship, I'm so focused on preparing that I don't really talk to anyone. Again, mind reading not so good these days. This caused a whole new round of slander. I actually intentionally sought her after the service, but she and her family apparently were so mad about the other perceived slights that they left early to avoid me.) The person who approached me about the situation was very kind about it all and let me know that, apparently, this whole family has a history with the church of what she called, "Entitlement syndrome." Wish I'd known that BEFORE all this went down...
What's worse, she's an active elder on my session. We have a pastor/parish relations committee under the communications team for EXACTLY this sort of situation, which, as an elder, she should have known and utilized. Not to mention that, as a Christian, she should know that talking about someone rather than to them is NEVER the right thing to do. Have I mentioned how much I hate, loathe, abhor gossip (and especially when it's about me)? Yeah, well...
Good news is that when I heard about it third hand, I did go to the p/p relations comm. and the chair is going to sit with us as mediator to help us work this out.
If I've ever needed prayers, it's tomorrow around 10 am. That's when we'll be sitting down to work this out. Trust is diminished, pastoral thoughts are tough to come by, and of course, feelings are hurt. Let's hope my inner sixth grader stays home.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Pieces of Peace
Right now I have my iPod filled with music that brings me a sense of peace. (Mostly. There's still some Bon Jovi for the times I need energy too.) But peace seems to be a rare commodity these days. So much going on at church. The sad thing is, music in worship used to be so renewing for me. But in this congregation, it pretty much is just sad, sad, sad. The people in the congregation don't sing with any enthusiasm whatsoever. The choir is about four people on average. They rarely sing anthems. Harmony is touch and go. The men? Well, when there are any, let's just say they make a joyful noise, bless their sweet little hearts.
I'm actually thinking about suggesting that we occassionally used recorded music for certain times of the year. Maybe around Christmas we'll see how it goes over.
It's so funny though. When I was talking about doing the Lessons and Carols service for Christmas Eve, some people on the session were just amazed that the choir didn't want to do a big cantata for that service. Hello!! Are you in worship? There are four people, maybe six in the choir. None of whom are, shall we say, particularly gifted in their voices. It was actually the choir director who had suggested the lessons and carols service anyway, since she agrees that while they are dedicated, the usual suspects in the choir aren't strong enough vocally to do anything that large. Now if I could just convince the congregation that singing should be a joyful part of worship.
So, for now, I content myself with Robert Shaw or the Cambridge Singers. Little pieces of peace that invade the busyness of my day.
I'm actually thinking about suggesting that we occassionally used recorded music for certain times of the year. Maybe around Christmas we'll see how it goes over.
It's so funny though. When I was talking about doing the Lessons and Carols service for Christmas Eve, some people on the session were just amazed that the choir didn't want to do a big cantata for that service. Hello!! Are you in worship? There are four people, maybe six in the choir. None of whom are, shall we say, particularly gifted in their voices. It was actually the choir director who had suggested the lessons and carols service anyway, since she agrees that while they are dedicated, the usual suspects in the choir aren't strong enough vocally to do anything that large. Now if I could just convince the congregation that singing should be a joyful part of worship.
So, for now, I content myself with Robert Shaw or the Cambridge Singers. Little pieces of peace that invade the busyness of my day.
Monday, September 15, 2008
I guess it's time
This is the week I will be telling my session that they are going to have to start thinking about a maternity leave policy for me. I'm not terribly worried that they will freak, but maybe just a tiny little bit nervous, since no matter how you cut it, I'm gonna be out over Easter. I'm due the beginning of Holy Week. Oops. (Wasn't thinking that far ahead in the heat of the moment!) I don't think we'll get that far though. I think she'll make her appearance by the end of March. (FYI, I don't know if it's a girl, just hoping.)
We do have a woman who is working on her M.Div and who would certainly, I think, enjoy the chance to fill in for some or even all of that time, though we'd have to find an ordained person to come in to do communion.
I think people sort of expected this to happen sooner or later. They knew they were hiring a young woman with a young family who might want at least one more kid. We'd talked about that a little in my interviews. We'll just have to see if they panic about my leave time and being out over Holy Week and Easter. I'll have only been here about a year and 3 months by the time that swings around. Hopefully the new baby will quickly charm them into forgetting that part.
So around 7pm EST on Wed, say a quick prayer, k?
We do have a woman who is working on her M.Div and who would certainly, I think, enjoy the chance to fill in for some or even all of that time, though we'd have to find an ordained person to come in to do communion.
I think people sort of expected this to happen sooner or later. They knew they were hiring a young woman with a young family who might want at least one more kid. We'd talked about that a little in my interviews. We'll just have to see if they panic about my leave time and being out over Holy Week and Easter. I'll have only been here about a year and 3 months by the time that swings around. Hopefully the new baby will quickly charm them into forgetting that part.
So around 7pm EST on Wed, say a quick prayer, k?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
When VBS is lame...
Last week was VBS week. I've never seen one quite like this. They have a lesson for the adults too. Is that common where you're from? I've never been to a VBS that did beyond 6th or maybe 8th grade.
Let me tell you that the adult material from this highly respected company was hands down the worst lesson material I've ever seen! It was written at a high school level (yes, it was the adult curriculum, I checked) and the author told little stories of her trips down memory lane and would occasionally thrown in a question like, "what memories does this story invoke for you?" She even had activities (for adults!) like soaking cotton balls in different liquids like alcohol, ammonia, coffee, etc., and putting them in film canisters and asking people to sniff and see what memories were evoked.
So the poor Episcopal rector and I were pretty much stuck making things up as we went along. IT went ok, but I don't think it was as good as it could have been with better curriculum to point us in the right direction.
I was also pretty disappointed in the music for the kids. I've heard some pretty good VBS music in my day, this was not one of those years. This really surprises me since, like I said, this is a well know company who's been putting out VBS material for years.
Since we work VBS out with two other churches in our town, I'm not in on picking the curriculum, but for next year, I'm going to encourage our representative to look a little deeper into the material rather than picking it because the theme was cute.
Here's hoping.
Let me tell you that the adult material from this highly respected company was hands down the worst lesson material I've ever seen! It was written at a high school level (yes, it was the adult curriculum, I checked) and the author told little stories of her trips down memory lane and would occasionally thrown in a question like, "what memories does this story invoke for you?" She even had activities (for adults!) like soaking cotton balls in different liquids like alcohol, ammonia, coffee, etc., and putting them in film canisters and asking people to sniff and see what memories were evoked.
So the poor Episcopal rector and I were pretty much stuck making things up as we went along. IT went ok, but I don't think it was as good as it could have been with better curriculum to point us in the right direction.
I was also pretty disappointed in the music for the kids. I've heard some pretty good VBS music in my day, this was not one of those years. This really surprises me since, like I said, this is a well know company who's been putting out VBS material for years.
Since we work VBS out with two other churches in our town, I'm not in on picking the curriculum, but for next year, I'm going to encourage our representative to look a little deeper into the material rather than picking it because the theme was cute.
Here's hoping.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Talk about your bad timing...
I didn't realize it had been so long since I'd blogged. I guess moving will do that to a girl. Vacation was great. L and I flew to see my parents, sister, grandmothers and various other relatives that all live in the same city. Lots of fun. We went to the zoo, we did LOTS of shopping (I got the grandmother treatment and came home with a whole new work wardrobe), and did lots of visiting.
Then we came home to a new house with lots of boxes to unpack. So for 10 days we've been working on it as much as we can in the evenings and on Saturdays. (Sundays are, of course, a working day in our household.) Then, this past Wednesday, just after I've gotten out of bed, I start to head downstairs to get a clean towel out of the dryer... and I slip on the carpeted stairs... and I fall down about 5 steps to the landing... and break my big toe on my right foot.
Now if you've ever broken a toe, you know there's not a darned thing you can do about it except maybe buddy tape it and wear that big ugly velcro shoe for a few weeks. I have crutches, but the doc said I can do whatever doesn't hurt, so it's easier to walk on the side of my foot than use them. Yes, I'm driving. I'm trying not to walk too much, not because it hurts my toe, but because it hurts the outside edge of my foot that I have to walk on. Can I do much unpacking? Let's just say that I don't want to see P have an aneurysm.
However, he's been a maniac getting things done today. We (he-I just supervised) got more done today than in the entire past week. I can't tell you how much cardboard and packing paper we've recycled today alone. We can finally eat at our kitchen table. The living room is almost livable. Props to L too, usually a very underfoot preschooler, she played very sweetly in her room for most of the day and stayed out of the way.
Now I just have to write a sermon... sigh.
Then we came home to a new house with lots of boxes to unpack. So for 10 days we've been working on it as much as we can in the evenings and on Saturdays. (Sundays are, of course, a working day in our household.) Then, this past Wednesday, just after I've gotten out of bed, I start to head downstairs to get a clean towel out of the dryer... and I slip on the carpeted stairs... and I fall down about 5 steps to the landing... and break my big toe on my right foot.
Now if you've ever broken a toe, you know there's not a darned thing you can do about it except maybe buddy tape it and wear that big ugly velcro shoe for a few weeks. I have crutches, but the doc said I can do whatever doesn't hurt, so it's easier to walk on the side of my foot than use them. Yes, I'm driving. I'm trying not to walk too much, not because it hurts my toe, but because it hurts the outside edge of my foot that I have to walk on. Can I do much unpacking? Let's just say that I don't want to see P have an aneurysm.
However, he's been a maniac getting things done today. We (he-I just supervised) got more done today than in the entire past week. I can't tell you how much cardboard and packing paper we've recycled today alone. We can finally eat at our kitchen table. The living room is almost livable. Props to L too, usually a very underfoot preschooler, she played very sweetly in her room for most of the day and stayed out of the way.
Now I just have to write a sermon... sigh.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Holy Week?
It seem to me that Holy Week is often the least holy week of all for us pastors. We go crazy trying to plan as many as 5 services for some (I'm planning 3.5) and making sure someone ordered palms, someone has the fabric to drape the cross, maybe you're doing a tenebrae? someone's gotta know how to work the lights. Got baptisms and/or communion on Easter? Gotta plan for those. It's enough to make a girl take the name of the Lord in vain once or twice, I tell ya.
Our church does community Holy Week services with two other churches in town. We switch out locations and who is doing the preaching, though those do not coincide (i.e.- the G.F. service is at our church, I am in charge of the bulletins, but I am not preaching) So, I have no idea what the other pastor is preaching on (yes, I've asked) and I have to prepare the rest of the service around that. I fully intend to pester him again on Monday or Tuesday so I can get those bulletins done ahead and move on to Easter. Turns out our church always hosts Easter sunrise since we have the largest and prettiest outdoor property. Also turns out that I'm preaching for that. 7 a.m. Have I ever told you how much NOT of a morning person I am? Until we move at the end of the month, I have to drive half an hour to get to the church. That means I have to leave by about 6:15. I don't even get up by 6:15 most days. I'm going to have to be up by about 5 to get ready. I really think this must be some sort of divine punishment for something, though I know not what. So what I really want to know is, how tacky is it to give a sermon with a cup of Starbuck's in one hand?
Our church does community Holy Week services with two other churches in town. We switch out locations and who is doing the preaching, though those do not coincide (i.e.- the G.F. service is at our church, I am in charge of the bulletins, but I am not preaching) So, I have no idea what the other pastor is preaching on (yes, I've asked) and I have to prepare the rest of the service around that. I fully intend to pester him again on Monday or Tuesday so I can get those bulletins done ahead and move on to Easter. Turns out our church always hosts Easter sunrise since we have the largest and prettiest outdoor property. Also turns out that I'm preaching for that. 7 a.m. Have I ever told you how much NOT of a morning person I am? Until we move at the end of the month, I have to drive half an hour to get to the church. That means I have to leave by about 6:15. I don't even get up by 6:15 most days. I'm going to have to be up by about 5 to get ready. I really think this must be some sort of divine punishment for something, though I know not what. So what I really want to know is, how tacky is it to give a sermon with a cup of Starbuck's in one hand?
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Incomplete
You know how things are when your life is just out of balance? That's how it's been around here. See, if you're keeping up with things, you know that P is down in Huge Southern City and we're up here in a whole other state. And it's not that things are going bad per se, but they're just a little out of whack.
My theory is that it's because 1) our family is not all together, 2) we're not surrounded by our familiar things (they're all in storage until we find a house), 3) we are in limbo with P's finding a job, causing at least some anxiety, 4) our routines are completely, entirely new and still a little unfamiliar to our bodies, 5) we are with unfamiliar people in unfamiliar places doing unfamiliar things.
All of these things and more sort of tie together, causing a circular pattern of distress to our minds and bodies. I can't speak to the mind of L, but she's more clingy, she's wanting me to do simple things for her that she's done on her own plenty of times before, and there are other signs that only a mom would notice.
Of course, there are the physical illnesses we've contended with. With her first foray into preschool, she came home with a terrible cold, double conjunctivitis and a double ear infection-taking not less than 2 antibiotic shots and an oral medication to clear up-after the doctor assures me that she doesn't give antibiotics unless it's seriously needed. I guess it was pretty serious.
Me, well, other than sharing the horrendous cold and then catching the pink eye, well, I just seem sluggish. I feel in a perpetual fog. Lack of sleep is part of it, a big part. Some of it is getting used to a new job and a new schedule. I'm sure there are other factors that, being somewhat foggy, I'm not thinking of at the moment.
Our bodies are just out of whack. Tummies seems to be cranky a little more I've noticed, for us both. I'm perpetually stuffy and headache-y and will probably have to suck it up and go find an allergist soon.
Even the animals seem off. I know they don't like P being gone. The dog especially. She does naughty things on the carpet that let me know this. Not in the last couple of days though, knock on wood. The cats well, they are just a little more needy, if that's possible.
Now you may be saying, but R, you said things weren't so bad, and that sounds bad indeed! It's not really, it's tough, especially without P to take some of the slack with L, but I love the church people I'm working with, and they've been wonderful to us both. I like the area we're in; I like the preschool L is in; I even like both the pediatrician and family doctor I had to find on short notice. I just can't wait for things to come back into alignment. P here, job secured, home moved into, stuff unpacked, child well, sleep adjusted. I'm just sure that things will be better when things are the way they should be as far as us being together as a family and being surrounded by our familiar and beloved belongings in a place that is our own.
My theory is that it's because 1) our family is not all together, 2) we're not surrounded by our familiar things (they're all in storage until we find a house), 3) we are in limbo with P's finding a job, causing at least some anxiety, 4) our routines are completely, entirely new and still a little unfamiliar to our bodies, 5) we are with unfamiliar people in unfamiliar places doing unfamiliar things.
All of these things and more sort of tie together, causing a circular pattern of distress to our minds and bodies. I can't speak to the mind of L, but she's more clingy, she's wanting me to do simple things for her that she's done on her own plenty of times before, and there are other signs that only a mom would notice.
Of course, there are the physical illnesses we've contended with. With her first foray into preschool, she came home with a terrible cold, double conjunctivitis and a double ear infection-taking not less than 2 antibiotic shots and an oral medication to clear up-after the doctor assures me that she doesn't give antibiotics unless it's seriously needed. I guess it was pretty serious.
Me, well, other than sharing the horrendous cold and then catching the pink eye, well, I just seem sluggish. I feel in a perpetual fog. Lack of sleep is part of it, a big part. Some of it is getting used to a new job and a new schedule. I'm sure there are other factors that, being somewhat foggy, I'm not thinking of at the moment.
Our bodies are just out of whack. Tummies seems to be cranky a little more I've noticed, for us both. I'm perpetually stuffy and headache-y and will probably have to suck it up and go find an allergist soon.
Even the animals seem off. I know they don't like P being gone. The dog especially. She does naughty things on the carpet that let me know this. Not in the last couple of days though, knock on wood. The cats well, they are just a little more needy, if that's possible.
Now you may be saying, but R, you said things weren't so bad, and that sounds bad indeed! It's not really, it's tough, especially without P to take some of the slack with L, but I love the church people I'm working with, and they've been wonderful to us both. I like the area we're in; I like the preschool L is in; I even like both the pediatrician and family doctor I had to find on short notice. I just can't wait for things to come back into alignment. P here, job secured, home moved into, stuff unpacked, child well, sleep adjusted. I'm just sure that things will be better when things are the way they should be as far as us being together as a family and being surrounded by our familiar and beloved belongings in a place that is our own.
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